One of my neighbors was a grumpy old man. When I first moved into the building, I was sort of afraid of him. I tried to avoid him and we never really saw eye-to-eye.
I became the president of the condo board and had to deal with him and we clashed. He never wanted to spend a dime. He would ask me, “Why do we have to paint the building? We don’t see it; people from the outside see it!” I had to explain it was mainly to protect the building from the elements.
We had nasty emails go back and forth and it was a mess for years. But thanks to him, I got off the board. I tried to quit so many times, but they wouldn’t let me. I didn’t want to just leave people stranded so I stayed on as president, but one time he got me so angry at a meeting, I did just that, I stormed off and just left and never looked back.
Over the years we became friendly and spoke on the phone almost daily about this or that. I think he was lonely and just wanted to talk.
We don’t do it anymore, but for a long time, the whole condo building bought Christmas gifts for each other, and we would send them back and forth in the elevator, using it as a dumb waiter. This particular neighbor grew avocados and citrus and he would gift each of us with a carton of fresh grapefruits, something we all looked forward to each year.
I asked him how they could possibly be so fresh and he said they were fresh because only one had had touched them – guy who picked them off the tree and put them in the box. He told me that in the supermarket, by the time the avocados reached there, they had gone through 20 hands!
Anyway, he would always promote the avocados. He ended every text to with three avocado emojis. Always.
He passed away a couple of years ago, the building is not the same without him, but every time someone group texts one of his daughters or mentions him in a text, they add the avocados as periods to the text. It puts a smile on all our faces.
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I had to get in touch with one of our neighbors. I saw our maintenance man, Rick (not real name) who really is clueless about so many things, but of course knows all of our business around the building, and I asked him if Gary (not real name), my neighbor, was home.
Rick, the maintenance man, said that Gary may not be home. He noticed Gary’s boat was gone from it’s dock out back. I told him the boat was gone for awhile, it may be out getting work done or something, so I texted Gary, asking if he was home. He texted back and said he was in Iceland. “Iceland?” I responded. “Yes,” he replied.
I told Rick that Gary was in Iceland of all places and Rick responded, “See, I told you the boat was gone.”
I replied, “You think he took that small 15 foot boat to Iceland? Iceland is way up in the North Atlantic, almost in Europe!”
Rick laughed and thought I said, “He was on an island.” Miami is surrounded by islands, but if he was on an island, I wouldn’t say, “He’s in Island.” I would say something like, “He’s on Key Biscayne.” Or, “He’s on Eliot Key,” or “He’s in Key Largo,” etc.
We both laughed, but I found it odd that Rick would think I said, “He’s on Island,” rather than “He’s on an island,” which is almost equally as odd since that’s not an expression I would use.
Either way, maybe we are both right, because Iceland is an Island.
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Well, this morning I wanted to run downstairs to get something from my car and I felt I better scout the area first, so as not to be “attacked” at the elevator.
Good thing I did, because, as you can see, there she is with the freaking dog, just lying in wait. If I had called the elevator up and went down, she would have been standing there, waiting to get in, as I was getting out.
This is a screen capture from our security cameras.
I fear I have turned into the stalker now – stalking out the layout of the place, to be sure that the coast is clear.
Am I being paranoid? I don’t know.
If you haven’t read the past blog post about this annoying neighbor, it’s here.
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There is a new couple who moved into our small building and it seems that every time I turn around, there they are – in my face. It’s not intentional, I don’t think, but I am beginning to hate them for it. They have been here a few months and they are driving me out of my skull.
They rent the unit, and over the years, I’ve known everyone who has lived in that unit, and I was friendly with all of them and liked all of them. And I never felt annoyed by them. But this couple – I can’t explain it – they are just there – they are always there.
It’s a young husband and wife with a baby, who seems to be about one-year-old, maybe younger. They own a small restaurant in town, but they seem to always be here at home, when I am, rather than at the restaurant.
They seem to walk the baby around in a stroller or walk their dog every five minutes – they are always doing it. But the annoying part comes in where they are everywhere I am. Just lurking.
If I’m going to the elevator, she is invariably standing there waiting for it. If not standing there waiting for it, when the door opens for me to enter, there she is exiting and I have to say hello to her, which I don’t want to do.
More than once, I would say maybe seven times, when I have come home, driving up in my car, as I try to park in my parking space, she is in the parking space, washing her dog! The hose is next to my car, but rather than pull it out across the lot to a more convenient area, there she is, in my space washing the freaking dog.
And she is always so sickeningly sweet – “Have a nice day.” “Have a beautiful day.”
Her husband, is usually on his bicycle and he is always there when she isn’t there. Come to think of it, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen them together. But I must have. But it’s sort of like they torment me one at a time – only not on purpose.
I’ve lived in this building for many years, it’s a small condo building, only 14 units. I can honestly say, I’ve never seen any one of my neighbors this much. I’ll go weeks without seeing anyone, except for them. I don’t even remember their names.
Another neighbor, my friend Mary, says I am conjuring them up, you know, willing their presence, by talking about them. But I don’t think about them ever – that’s what makes it so irritating, when they pop up in my face so unexpectedly. I feel can do a magic trick, regarding this if I wanted to. I can tell someone, watch this, I can push the elevator button and one of them will appear – no joke.
I have avoided them by not getting in the elevator with them, making an excuse that I forgot something in my car, just to get away and not ride the lift with them.
Mary says I sound crazy, and asked if I told anyone else about this. But I only told her, and now you. I know it sounds crazy, but imagine that every time you opened your front door the same person was standing there. Or you walk in your backyard and there they are. Or you go to park your car and they are blocking your spot. Daily, more than once a day.
I did say something to the lady with the baby yesterday. I came home from Publix with arms full of bags, I hit the elevator key, and out popped mamma and baby. I said to her, “You are always there! You are always coming or going!” She said, “Excuse me?” She wasn’t exasperated, she really did not understanding what I meant. I just let her pass and I got in the elevator without responding.
I’ve taken to using the stairs to avoid the elevator, but of course that doesn’t matter since she is always washing the freaking dog in my parking space and always walking the dog around the elevator area and always pushing the baby in the stroller. The husband, not so much, but again, he pops up when she isn’t popping up.
Another neighbor keeps insisting that we go this couple’s restaurant for lunch, which is right here in the village. I keep turning that down. I see enough of them right here up my ass every day, I don’t need to go seek them out.
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