health

My doctor is a schmuck

I walked out of the doctor’s office yesterday and I don’t think they even know yet. I was in the waiting room for over two hours, almost three in fact. My appointment was over two hours before and as usual, they just had me sit in a crowded waiting room.

I hadn’t been for a couple of years, so I made an appointment to basically show my face. I would get my cholesterol checked, deal with the rude doctor, and swear to myself to never go back again. Well this time, I left for good.

This office makes appointments and when you show up, the tiny waiting room is full. Does everybody have an 11 am appointment? There is only one doctor, it’s not a large practice other doctors there. It’s the one guy. It almost reminds me of Doc Martin, where it seems like it’s first come, first serve. But if I lived in Portwenn, I don’t think I would mind having Doc Martin as my doctor, or Portwenn as my home.

My doctor’s waiting room looks like the free clinic. It has wall-to-wall people, taking up all the seats. Most speak on their phones very loudly, telling the person on the other end and the rest of us who overhear it all about their ailments and why they are at the doctor. Others have their phones ringing every two seconds, luckily they don’t answer, but they are too stupid to turn the ringer off. So it rings and rings. And others just chat with others across the room. All strangers, but still chatting away very loudly. This all takes place in Spanish, which I understand, so they sometimes include me in the conversations and I reply as to be polite.

The worst are those sitting listening to videos with the sound turned up, they never heard of earbuds I guess.

The doctor himself is rude and condescending. Not rude and condescending like Doc Martin. Worse. I remember during the pandemic, I put on a few pounds. By a few, I mean maybe 10 pounds on a muscular 186 lb. man’s frame. I don’t think that is a lot of weight to put on for my build. He would tell me in his calm, sickeningly sweet voice, “You have to push yourself away from the table.” And one time, he kept saying, “Half. Half” I asked him what that meant, he said it means only eat half of what is on my plate. Which is funny because I am known for leaving most of my plate and not finishing it. A friend asked me once why I never finish my food. “Are you trying to be polite? He asked, as he grabbed across the table for my leftovers. I told him, “No, I stop eating when I feel full.”

Anyway, I took the weight off and am back to my usual routine.

By the way, it’s been 24 hours since I walked out and I still have not heard from the inept doctor’s office. They probably think I was seen by the doctor and then charged my insurance company. But most likely, it’s a numbers game. Pack in as many as possible and keep the ones who don’t walk out.

But in the end, I think I willed it, you know, manifested not being there. I didn’t want to go because of all of the above, and I think i just manifested not having to be there, so I left and no one noticed I was there to begin with. It never happened.

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It’s all about the farro

It’s interesting when you have one idea in mind when you create a cartoon and then people see other ideas and meanings to the cartoon.

This one in particular came easy to me. I am eating more farro these days. Farro is an ancient grain, eaten by the Egyptians, Romans and others and it came back into fashion in the past few years.

It seems that you can’t just say, “Farro,” you have to say, “Farro, the ancient grain.” And that’s where the cartoon idea came from.

So what if it’s an ancient grain? Was it a magic grain that was mighty and powerful? Did it extend life expectancies? I don’t think so. The mom is feeding the baby Farro, so he could live to a ripe old age, which was 30-years-old back then. I was thinking that when I hear, “It’s an ancient grain!”

Some read the cartoon as meaning the boy was King Tut and he wouldn’t live past 19-years-old anyway. He was just a random boy, but if they want to think that is Tut. That’s fine.

Others felt that if that was King Tut, he was King, so Farro was good for him. But he was only king from ages 9 to 19, so Farro didn’t keep him alive. It’s thought he died from either malaria and/or a bone disease. Both things not prevented from all that farro he may have eaten.

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Birthday check

I don’t usually understand a lot of the New Yorker cartoons, but this one by Asher Perlman really hit home.

The other day I was at the doctor’s office and I was asked about four times for my birthday, they do this now to be sure you are who you say you are. I guess there are people pretending to be someone else for medical attention. Or maybe the staff wants to be sure that they don’t want to cut your leg off if you are only there for an allergy.

But when I arrived, I checked in with someone at the front desk, they asked for my birthday, then a guy took my blood pressure, he asked for my birthday, then someone else, and then eventually the doctor.

My birthday is next week, so they all wished me a “happy birthday,” when they saw the date, which was nice.

If you haven’t been to the doctor lately, I guess this New Yorker cartoon is one of the ones that doesn’t make sense. But trust me, it’s funny because it is real life.

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Going green

I eat an avocado daily. Sometimes the whole thing, sometimes a sliver in a salad or sandwich or something.

One of my friends said that I’m going to turn green from eating all those avocados. That’s where I got the idea for this cartoon.

One of my neighbors has avocado groves, so sometimes he gives me fresh avocados. He always punctuates all of his texts with three avocado emojis.

I eat a lot of things daily – extra virgin olive oil (EVOO), cinnamon, green tea, apple cider vinegar, chia seeds, flax seed, etc. I’m not sure how I fit it all in, but I add a little to my food during the day. When I travel, I don’t have all this stuff – only at home.

When I have the avocado at home, I slice it open, remove the pit and then sprinkle sea salt, black pepper, oregano and EVOO, and I eat it with a spoon.

The green face made me think of this guy who used to have a blue face, Paul Karason. His face was blue due to taking colloidal silver, for medical reasons.

He passed away in 2013, but I remember seeing him on the streets of NYC one time. I think it was on Park Avenue, near Union Square. I was walking downtown and he passed me by. His hue was not really that noticeable unless you looked right at him. What I mean is it wasn’t neon or glowing.

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My doctors

I wrote about going to the doctor recently. It was about the mole on my head, which turned into a cartoon. But the mole was benign, meaning it was nothing. The doc cut it off and I’m good as new.

This was a new dermatologist because my previous one, the one I had been going to since I was a child retired! As did my dentist. It’s a weird feeling when doctors you have been going to all of your life retire. You think they are always going to be there.

My GP or PCP or whatever you call them changed over the years. Why? Because two of my doctors died, which is even worse than retiring.

One was hit by a deer, or maybe it was that he drove into a deer or swerved off the road while avoiding a deer, while vacationing with his family in rural New England. It happened years ago, so I don’t remember all the details, but I believe the doctor and his kids were killed and only the wife survived. Horrible.

A second doctor died a couple of years ago – from covid! Very shocking and sad. A doctor he worked with told me and was in tears while describing it the whole time.

All of these doctors were mild mannered and gentle. Very quiet and peaceful guys, who made you feel comfortable. All of them.

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Bare minimum Mondays

Have you heard about “Bare Minimum Mondays?” They’re sort of a sister to Quiet Quitting and Casual Friday.

I work for myself, so I can admit I’ve sort of lived Bare Minimum Mondays for years. As the lady in this Insider article, she does Bare Minimum Mondays, to beat the Sunday Scaries, which I get.

That was my solution to hating Mondays – I would do little work and go to the beach. I would make it a habit to go to the beach every Monday. It eased me into the week. Again, I work for myself, so that’s an easy thing to do.

I used to be the president of the board at our condo. Back then I really needed Bare Minimum Mondays. I told someone once that every Sunday night felt like the night before the first day of school each Monday because it was it was a lot of pressure and not enjoyable, not to mention stressful. He laughed at that until he became the condo prez, then he got it.

For many years I printed school newspapers and other publications and during the summer months – June, July and August, I didn’t have any money coming in, so on the first day of school, which wasn’t a Monday, but usually a Wednesday, I would celebrate business starting back up by going to the beach. It was sort of like Bare Minimum Monday, but it was better. Since everyone was dealing with the first day of school – parents and kids – I had that day to myself.

But then again, during the school and business year, I would manage to take Bare Minimum Mondays, to ease my way into the week. It was a mini-vacation.

When there is a holiday on a Monday, it is sort of like Bare Minimum Monday for everyone. For some reason, the week goes so much faster – it’s Tuesday before you know it, then it’s Wednesday, Thursday and Friday – it goes by so fast. That sounds like that Seinfeld episode (shown below), but it’s true.

So anyway, I think Bare Minimum Mondays or any day you choose during the week, is a great thing for your sanity. It’s a day you can look forward to. I know there is lots of talk these days about a four day work, but even then I think we need a Bare Minimum day to ease the work week, no matter how many days it is.

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Delicious air fryer chickpeas

I don’t like to cook, I barely boil water. Oh, I can cook, I just don’t like to.

But the other day I made Air Fryer Chickpeas (Garbanzo beans). A friend posted a photo on Facebook of the ones she made and I had it on my mind. So I bought a couple of cans of the chickpeas and went at it.

The recipe I read had to be adjusted because as they started frying, they started popping, so I lowered the temperature and the time and they came out perfect – crunchy and delicious.

I washed the chickpeas to get all the salt off and let them dry in the air on paper towels – about an hour. If you let them dry, they’ll come out crunchy.

After that, I put them in the air fryer and air fried them for about 10 to 12 minutes at 360 degrees F. Some recipes call for a higher temp and a little longer time, but as I said, this worked out better for me.

As they were frying, I juggled them a bit every few minutes, to move them around.

When they were done, while still hot, I drizzled them with olive oil and then added sea salt, pepper, turmeric, powdered ginger and powdered garlic. I added rosemary, too, at another time. That really was delicious. They came out delicious. You can actually add whatever you like to them. Add nothing, or add everything. But if adding stuff, do it after they are done frying. Not before or during.

I never liked chickpeas even though I know they are very healthy and full of protein. I try to eat hummus, but never really like it either. There’s a chocolate hummus now, which I bought, but it’s still sitting in the fridge. But now that this new crunchy method is so easy to make and delicious, I may just start eating them, in this form.

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Accidental wine

I’m not much of a wine drinker, I’ve never liked it. But at Thanksgiving I was sitting at the end of the table and away from the kitchen and drinks and all that was in front of me was a bottle of red wine. I was at my cousins’ house.

Me too lazy to get up and get a drink, I didn’t want to ask anyone else to get it, I drank the wine. And you know what? I loved it.

It’s Hess Select from Napa Valley.

When I got home, I started buying bottles, for myself and to bring to holiday parties.

I still don’t drink a lot of wine, so I’ll pour a glass and drink maybe half. Rather than throw the rest out I’ll leave it on the kitchen counter, sometimes for a day or two and then I’ll get around to drinking it. You know what? Leaving it out to breathe, which has always been the thing with red wine, makes it so much smoother. I did this by accident, but now I make sure to let it breathe all the time now.

I’ll open a new bottle and let it breathe rather than leave the glass out as I had done. But now I am loving wine – the first time in my life!

In the photo above you see Yaupon tea. It’s a native American tea, used by Native Americans for over 2000 years. I heard about it recently. I started drinking it due to it’s health properties.

There are different versions – green, fire roasted, lavender-coconut and so on. I’ve been drinking a cup two or three times a day. It’s very mild, too. It’s rich in antioxidants, supports memory and brain function, good to manage blood sugar, cholesterol, blood pressure and more.

I’ve replaced most of my coffee drinking with the Yaupon tea.

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It’s all about money

I saw this “Speed Bump” comic, by Dave Coverly, the other day and it reminded me of a doctor I had.

About 10 years ago, maybe more, I had this thing removed and the doctor thought it could be melanoma – it wasn’t, but he had me go to the oncologist. And the oncologist had me get a CT scan often. She kept me going and said, “Keep going until the insurance runs out.” And that explained our U.S. medical system in a nutshell. “Keep putting yourself under that harmful radiation, until we don’t get paid anymore.”

I bring this up because yesterday I had to go to get an MRI. I have a hernia and the doc sent me to get an MRI to be sure that’s what it is before they operate or do whatever it is they do.

I worried about it all weekend because it’s so claustrophobic and sort of willed it to be where I go feet in first. I kept thing, “maybe I can go in feet first.” And know what? That’s what happened – I went in feet first! So my head was sticking out and I was totally fine with it. And good thing too, because it literally took a half hour or more in the machine! The tech said she wanted to do a “slice” or something like that, so it took long. I can’t image being confined in that tube head first for a half hour.

Anyway, I had another other doctor one time that wanted me to give myself shots for an allergy, which is gone now, because I don’t think it was an allergy at all. Anyway, he insisted and insisted, I kept telling him I didn’t need the shots. When I told him the deductible was very high, after he was trying to force me to take the shots for so long a time, he stopped on a dime and said, “Forget it, you don’t need this.” It’s all about money.

Back to the oncologist. She was fabulous and what I mean by that was she was loud and big and out there, sort of like Maude, she in fact, looked like Maude, and she was all in white, as doctor’s are, but she wore red high heels. And she would float through the complex with a big smile on her face and waved and seemed to know everyone. She was a star. I haven’t seen her for years, but I remember she liked my comics and would always ask about them and how it was going, etc.

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