tomversation

All they have to do is deliver!

I guess I’m in a grumpy mood these days – airing all my gripes.

The other day I got a notice from Amazon that my package was delivered. Only I looked all over the building and I could not find the package.

This is a common thing. We have a sign out front that says leave all packages on the table by the elevator, but no one reads it or pays attention, so we’ve found deliveries back on the table by the pool, in unused emergency stairwells, on private balconies of neighbors and other places. So I looked all over and the package was nowhere.

I went on line to double check and it says it was delivered and signed for by “Fermin” who is one of the security guards at the building next door. So I traipsed over and he handed five packages – for five neighbors, including me. The Amazon guy just dumped all of our deliveries next door. But who is wrong? The guy did get a signature, and Fermin just accepted them without reading the labels.

Either way, Amazon is always screwing up. I know it’s the start of a busy delivery season, but he did manage to the packages next door. He just neglected to read the addresses.

We have a great UPS guy. He has my cell phone number and often calls about deliveries and other things. When I was in Greenport last week, he called, it was about a neighbor’s delivery. I told him I was just thinking about him because as we drove to Greenport, we drove through a lot of farmland and there right in the middle of it all was a UPS truck delivering a package to a house.

One day, recently, our UPS guy called to tell me he had a delivery I needed to sign for. I went downstairs and there he was at the pool (dressed) talking to one of my neighbors (dressed), both lying on lounge chairs feet from the bay, chatting away. I joined them and we all ended up talking for about 45 minutes. Sorry for the neighbors expecting deliveries!

Village life.

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Nightmare Uber driver

I took an Uber to LaGuardia Airport from the city. As usual, I go early in the morning for early flights, I was coming home.

A lady named Miguelina picked me up. She seemed nice, she didn’t speak much English, so we didn’t speak.

As we approached the area of the airport, I didn’t recognize it. It wasn’t the usual way. It was early Monday morning, about 6 am, so there was no traffic to avoid, so she should have taken the usual route.

As I looked out and saw the airport in the distance, I was wondering, “Where are we going? Did I punch in Kennedy Airport by mistake? Are we going there?” I asked her and she said she didn’t speak English. I asked her in Spanish, if we were going to LaGuardia and she sort of ignored me.

We finally arrived, but it was at a place I had never seen before. I had just seen the Seinfeld “The Pledge Drive” episode where his grandmother is lost in a desolate area, looking for Chemical Bank. That’s what this was like. We were sort of underground somewhere – under the airport!

She told me to get out, in that rude way non-English speakers think they are speaking English politely. I said, “Wait, there is nothing here!” The airport is usually very well lit, you know, there are always cars coming and going and there is always plenty of travelers and staff around. This was bare. The lights were very dim, there was no other car or other person. She said this was my stop.

I told her we have to go to “departures” but she would not move. She looked at her phone, which meant nothing. Finally a security guard arrived and he yelled for us to move. She refused! The guard said we were on level 1, and get this, the baggage level and arrivals was up a flight to level 2 and the departures were level 3, we needed to go to 3. She didn’t care, she just sat there.

I asked the guard if I could just get in some way down in that dungeon area and climb stairs or something and he showed me a back escalator and I took that up two flights to the regular entrance area. I’m still not sure what that was or why we were there. Maybe it’s a loading dock area.

Scary trip. Scary driver. First time in my life I did not tip. The driver deserved nothing.

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Small town Greenport, NY

Greenport, NY

There were a lot of us together for Thanksgiving, and then Friday, we went to Greenport, Long Island, not to be confused with Greenpoint which is in Brooklyn.

Greenport is this little old village at the northern tip of Long Island – on the north fork. You can see Connecticut from the shore, which is across the Long Island Sound.

We ran into a guy, who seemed to bore everyone else who wandered off, but he had me interested in the history of the town. He was about 70 and he was visiting from Brooklyn. He told me he grew up there and he was pointing out things in the area – where the old police station was, where the 5 & 10 was, where his uncle worked in a sailing mast shop, etc.

***This old building was the hardware store in Greenport, some years back.***

He explained the place as if it was Mayberry, with only two officers on the police force at the time.

My family and I shopped and hung out, spending money on Small Business Saturday, but it was Friday.

It was nice, but so far from the city, about three hours in and three hours back. We went to the Hamptons after that for dinner and hung out, then headed back to the city very late.

Usually we would go to the Southampton Christmas parade and tree lighting on Saturday night, but we did Greenport instead.

We enjoyed the non-Starbucks, one-of-a-kind village coffee shop.

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I was almost hit by a bus in New Jersey!

*This is the situation at the Hoboken bus terminal.*

I’m back in NYC for Thanksgiving week. I took the Amtrak down from New England.

I was telling my friends how bad the drivers are in Boston, and I guess karma came and got me. I was almost mowed down by big bus in Hoboken yesterday!

I was leaving Hoboken, and it was cold and windy. I usually walk along the Hudson River to the train terminal where I could get the PATH train back to the city (NYC), but I took the back way and walked through the bus yard, which is part of the train terminal.

There were only three buses and they weren’t moving. The whole big lot was empty otherwise, so I proceeded to cut through to get to the trains. Just as I was standing in the center of the lot, one of the buses started moving, and it appeared to be coming right at me, but I figured the driver saw me, he was going to bypass me, there was 100 feet or more on either side of me.

But no, he came right at me. Then as he reached me, he proceeded to make a U-turn – right into me! I started running along the side of the bus, at the driver’s side window to avoid ending up under the bus. If I ran to the left, I would be under the bus, if I stood there, I would under the bus, so I kept running, and yelling and the driver didn’t see or hear me! He was alone on the bus, so there was no one to distract him.

Someone from above was there to protect me. It had to be, it was the only explanation. Finally the driver saw me and stopped. He opened his window and started yelling at me. Sure, I was wrong to cut through the lot, but I would assume a driver could see a man walking alone in a parking lot.

I was so pissed and upset, that I just ignored him and walked away. Another driver who witnessed this from her bus, started yelling at me. I told her I was lost and that’s not a reason to not be paying attention. If I was a stray dog, would he have run over the dog, too?

I walked away from her since they weren’t going to take the blame.

So after all these years of almost being hit by Boston drivers, I now have the distinction of being almost struck by a Hoboken City bus; at the bus terminal.

It was very scary. Remember that old Dennis Weaver movie, Duel? It was a bit like that. Not really, but almost.

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Boston and Cambridge

I’m in Boston for a few days, then I’ll take the train down to NYC for Thanksgiving.

It’s a mixed batch weatherwise – mid ’60s one day, cold and rainy the next.

Did my usual things in Boston and Cambridge, ate in my usual places, did my usual thing. I’m a creature of habit.

See you in NYC in a few days.

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Going green

I eat an avocado daily. Sometimes the whole thing, sometimes a sliver in a salad or sandwich or something.

One of my friends said that I’m going to turn green from eating all those avocados. That’s where I got the idea for this cartoon.

One of my neighbors has avocado groves, so sometimes he gives me fresh avocados. He always punctuates all of his texts with three avocado emojis.

I eat a lot of things daily – extra virgin olive oil (EVOO), cinnamon, green tea, apple cider vinegar, chia seeds, flax seed, etc. I’m not sure how I fit it all in, but I add a little to my food during the day. When I travel, I don’t have all this stuff – only at home.

When I have the avocado at home, I slice it open, remove the pit and then sprinkle sea salt, black pepper, oregano and EVOO, and I eat it with a spoon.

The green face made me think of this guy who used to have a blue face, Paul Karason. His face was blue due to taking colloidal silver, for medical reasons.

He passed away in 2013, but I remember seeing him on the streets of NYC one time. I think it was on Park Avenue, near Union Square. I was walking downtown and he passed me by. His hue was not really that noticeable unless you looked right at him. What I mean is it wasn’t neon or glowing.

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Below deck; boos cruise

When I look at today’s cartoon it reminds me of that Below Deck tv show on Bravo. It’s a franchise, there’s all sorts of Below Decks. There’s the original Below Deck and there’s Below Deck Mediterranean, Below Deck Sailing Yacht, Below Deck Down Under, and Below Deck Adventure. Sort of like the Real Housewives – one for every city.

I don’t watch any of the Below Decks, even though they seem to be very popular and my reasoning is quite stupid. The reason? I can’t understand how the full crew, including the captain and his staff and all the guests, along with the film crew, fit on the yachts. Seriously.

I live on the water, there are many yachts like that in my area, and I tried to look them over and figure how a large crew and a large bunch of guests, along with the camera men, sound men, etc. all fit below deck, let alone above deck!

*Just the crew on Below Deck, not counting the guests and film crew.*

And that’s why I can’t watch the show. I get too technical in my head to enjoy the story. I keep trying to figure out where everyone is sleeping, how they maneuver in the galley/kitchen, how they store all the food and drinks and how they all live aboard for a whole week or however long each outing is.

By the way, when I came up with this cartoon idea, I didn’t have Below Deck in mind, it just made me think of it after I looked at the cartoon.

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Paul on the tube

With The Beatles’ new song out, “Now and Then,” there seems to be a lot about The Beatles online now. I’ve seen a bunch of memes along with news stories. One meme, shown below, reminded me of this old Paul McCartney cartoon I did awhile back. Tube vs. Tube.

I guess it should really be is he on the “tube,” meaning subway or “telly,” meaning television? But tube and tube seems to work.

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The conflagration

A couple of nights ago, about 2:30 am, as usual, neighborhood was dead quiet. All of a sudden, we hear loud booms! Sounded like bombs going off. I thought that was what it was because the houses and buildings shook. And the booms were so loud.

I heard voices and then assumed it was kids with fireworks which happens once in awhile, but the booms got louder and scarier. I then thought it was kids throwing bombs. What else could it be?

I looked outside the window and saw nothing but neighbor across the street was screaming, which made it worse. She then started yelling “Fire! Fire!” And when I looked out the window again, the street started to go in flames. Literally. Suddenly dark black smoke filled the sky and the flames grew to about 25 feet high and started spreading along the street as it grew bigger.

I was sure they were going to reach the electrical wires and travel from house to house. Looking at it all this the next morning, I was amazed that didn’t happen. Maybe the wires are fire proof.

What next, I thought? More of this? I was sure we were being bombed. More and more explosions happened. One of my neighbors told me that her synagogue has 24 hour watch due to problems in the Mideast. TV news reported about localized antisemitic attacks and I thought perhaps this was an attack against someone who lived in the neighborhood. But then I just thought it had to be kids on bikes or cars with homemade bombs just randomly throwing them.

The fire department arrived very quickly and attacked the fire, which relieved me. The police arrived, too, and I thought, perhaps they can find the culprits and stop them tonight.

I went out on the balcony to see, but the sky was black from all the smoke which grew worse as the killed the fire. Was it toxic? Was it dangerous?

I started to think of the people in Israel, Gaza and Ukraine. This was a mini thing, but it was scary as hell. Random people bombing our homes? Invisible people at this point.

As soon as the fire department got it all under control, I was relieved to see it was two cars that were involved and not what I had suspected. One car blew up and caught fire. As it turned the corner, it just started popping and exploding, sounding like bombs. Each explosion caused the conflagration. Each explosion was louder and louder.

It was very close to another car, one of my neighbor’s cars, and it caused that car to catch fire because it all happened at that car’s gas tank.

It ended up being the newspaper delivery people’s car. The man and woman who deliver the Miami Herald. They were in the car driving around the bend delivering papers when their car exploded which caused the fire and all the chaos! Luckily they got out in time.

Neighbors all ran down but I watched from upstairs. I was still shaken thinking it was something else, which luckily, it wasn’t.

The fire was put out, the fire department and police left, the two cars were towed away and just a big black area in the street is all that is left. Glad that everyone is safe and the fire didn’t spread to the whole neighborhood.

This cartoon running today is weird and maybe a foreshadowing. The Herald lady wasn’t delivering my Herald. I unsubscribed the delivery part and I subscribe to it online and read the eEdition daily. So far no word of our incident in the Herald.

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Pumpkin smile

This Tomversation cartoon ran today. It started out as a similar image which was almost identical to a New Yorker cartoon by Sara Lautman, which you can see here.

I drew the original cartoon last week, thinking it was a funny image, with the jack-o-lantern smiling with big white teeth, but I couldn’t think of a gag. So it just sat for a few days and then I came up with the candy corn teeth and I played around with that, making various images.

Sara came up with an excellent gag. You can see my original smiling one below without any text, since I couldn’t think of anything funny. I just thought it was never done before – a smiling, big toothed jack-o-lantern.

I hate when similar ideas happen regarding cartoons, which is quite often. It always looks as if one person got the idea from the other. Great minds . . .

Here are a few more of my candy corn variations without the text. There are more, too, believe it or not.

I’m glad I went with the top one. It fits in with the Halloween theme this week, perfectly.